Couple,Love,Sex
September 1st 2010 22:48
Today I wish to see if someone can answer a question that no one has ever truly answered me when asked ! First I am going to talk about the question.
Imagine you have a best friend of different sexe.You know him/her since you started going to school (kindergarden), you just started college and both of you are still best friends.
Now,
Imagine the same year you started college,you got a boyfriend/girlfriend .And at the same time you best friend tells you he has feeling for you.
So who do you choose to date,your boyfriend/girlfriend of 2 weeks or your life's best friend ?
Most people will say to the best friend :"I'm sorry I have a boyfriend/girlfriend."
And that is why I say love doesn't truly exist.Most people won't admit it but most people go out because of the physic of their lover.Implying that most people go out to have s*x with this person.
If you ask someone why they love that person,everybody will have the same answer.The general stuff : he's funny,kind,etc...so why do you choose this person and not that one.Everybody is friendly so why choose him/her ?!!!
My Question :
Is love really something as great as people claim it or is it just a reason to have s*x constantly without being treated like a sl*t ?
*Leave Answers In Comments Box*
Imagine you have a best friend of different sexe.You know him/her since you started going to school (kindergarden), you just started college and both of you are still best friends.
Now,
Imagine the same year you started college,you got a boyfriend/girlfriend .And at the same time you best friend tells you he has feeling for you.
So who do you choose to date,your boyfriend/girlfriend of 2 weeks or your life's best friend ?
Most people will say to the best friend :"I'm sorry I have a boyfriend/girlfriend."
And that is why I say love doesn't truly exist.Most people won't admit it but most people go out because of the physic of their lover.Implying that most people go out to have s*x with this person.
If you ask someone why they love that person,everybody will have the same answer.The general stuff : he's funny,kind,etc...so why do you choose this person and not that one.Everybody is friendly so why choose him/her ?!!!
My Question :
Is love really something as great as people claim it or is it just a reason to have s*x constantly without being treated like a sl*t ?
*Leave Answers In Comments Box*
| 225 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
Comment by angelbird72
Cooking with Feeling
If love were just a reason to have sex, why would people who don't intend to have sex with someone in the foreseeable future ever enter into a relationship with them? And why ever have a long distance relationship?
Although I feel that a satisfying sex life can be a very important part of a romantic relationship, I would certainly not consider it the only factor, or even the most important factor. There are plenty of examples of people out there who have an open relationship, or who never have sex at all, and yet have happy and fulfilling relationships.
Physical attraction plays a part in the forming of a romantic connection, no doubt, if only for evolutionary reasons. But it is more of an initiator than a clincher. Give me a trustworthy and fun average Joe over a snide arrogant male model any day.
Comment by Alain
Movie Addiction
Life Debate
Art Of Sampling
Do you mean the people who wait for the weeding..Most people who do this,it's not because they don't want to,it's mostly in their culture or religion.
-And why ever have a long distance relationship?
Nobody has a long distance relationship without never seeing the other person at least once,so of course they have sex but less often.
If you are so sure that sex isn't the most important factor,tell me what is...
Me I say you don't fall in love,you choose to love.
you can hate someone for no reason,until one of your friends tell you "no he's a good guy".You get to know him,one week later you guys are going out.Not because he is unique or anything but because you choose to not hate him.
Nobody is unique,everyone is the same but we choose who we think are better.
Everybody is funny,trustworthy,etc
Example 1:If somebody you hated said the best joke,you wouldn't laugh because you don't want to love what you want to hate.
Example 2:if my best friend was in jail for five years and just got out,he asked both of us money.You wouldn't loan him any but I would because i trust him,you don't.
Simple as that.
If love really existed,divorce wouldn't exist.
So again,
If you are so sure that sex isn't the most important factor,tell me what is ?
Comment by angelbird72
Cooking with Feeling
When I first started my relationship with my partner, I didn't think I would ever have sex. I'm not religious at all, I just didn't want to. My partner is just that, a partner in life. Someone whom I can trust when I most need support.
Comment by Alain
Movie Addiction
Life Debate
Art Of Sampling
most people will say it's trust but if that trust was really a big thing,cheating wouldn't exist !
Comment by angelbird72
Cooking with Feeling
And I don't have a best friend I could trust as much as my partner. I don't think I could ever have someone I could trust as much as my partner. If I had to point out a difference though, it would be that my partner is the person that I choose to share my life with. The person that I have made an agreement and a commitment to.
As for cheating, I never claimed to speak on behalf of the whole world. I have never been cheated on, I have never cheated. And were that to happen, the trust would be broken and the partnership over.
I'm sure that many other people's relationships are based on different foundations to my own, but even this one example alone stands to contradict your stance.
Comment by angelbird72
Cooking with Feeling
And I don't have a best friend I could trust as much as my partner. I don't think I could ever have someone I could trust as much as my partner. If I had to point out a difference though, it would be that my partner is the person that I choose to share my life with. The person that I have made an agreement and a commitment to.
As for cheating, I never claimed to speak on behalf of the whole world. I have never been cheated on, I have never cheated. And were that to happen, the trust would be broken and the partnership over.
I'm sure that many other people's relationships are based on different foundations to my own, but even this one example alone stands to contradict your stance.
Comment by angelbird72
Cooking with Feeling
And I don't have a best friend I could trust as much as my partner. I don't think I could ever have someone I could trust as much as my partner. If I had to point out a difference though, it would be that my partner is the person that I choose to share my life with. The person that I have made an agreement and a commitment to.
As for cheating, I never claimed to speak on behalf of the whole world. I have never been cheated on, I have never cheated. And were that to happen, the trust would be broken and the partnership over.
I'm sure that many other people's relationships are based on different foundations to my own, but even this one example alone stands to contradict your stance.
Comment by angelbird72
Cooking with Feeling
Comment by Alain
Movie Addiction
Life Debate
Art Of Sampling
1.You said one of the most important thing is trust.
Did you trust your partner as much as you did "your first date","one week after dating him","five months","one year".No because you learn to trust him.It is not because he is special that you trust him,it is because you spent most of your time with him.You don't fully trust him.You only trust him more than others!Imagine every time you went out with your boyfriend,I was with you two,everywhere
2.you said Give me trustworthy and fun average Joe over a snide arrogant male model any day.
-Why the stereotyping ..
imagine you have a wall.Behind that wall are 2 men.You ask the question why should I go out with you.Candidate 1:I am friendly,trustworthy,funny,lo yal,blablabla.Same Question,candidate 2:I am friendly,trustworthy,funny,lo yal,blablabla.exactly the same thing.Now the wall desseapear,candidate 1 is a low body style.candidate 2 isn't mr muscle men but he is better locking.I bet you 99% will go out with candidate 2.Why if something called love exist,why would no one go out with candidate 1,because they prefer have (sex) with candidate 2 than 1.
3.The first thing you like is never the person but how they look.
You will never take the time to know somebody you don't find attractive unless you are force to do it.
4.By saying this is your partner to people.You allow them to think that you are sleeping with this person,nothing more.You are saying that this person is good enough to sleep with.
Comment by angelbird72
Cooking with Feeling
1 - No, I didn't trust him as much on our first date or after a week. But I also didn't refer to him as my partner. I did however see potential for a great partner, and potential for someone I could, among other things, trust.
And if you were to follow me around always and never show yourself to be untrustworthy, sure, I might trust you, but would I love you? Probably not. Love is not just one thing. It's a whole amalgam of things, like caring for someone, like valuing them. I said that trust is a big factor, but it is not the only factor.
2 - I never said that looks made no difference to attraction or love. Simply that they were nowhere near the most important things. I could say that all other things being equal, I would chose the partner who liked the same food as me, but that doesn't mean I only love people so that I can share a meal with them.
3 - I disagree. Firstly, I do not, and did not, constantly appraise each person I ever met as a potential partner. When I meet someone, I am interested in what kind of person they are. I'm not oblivious to their looks, but physical attractiveness is never a deciding factor on whether I talk to or get to know someone. (Hygene maybe : P)
I have friends of all shapes and sizes, and ages. I didn't start talking to the old Hungarian lady who used to live down the road from me because I thought she was sexy. And yet I got to know her. Why? Because she's an interesting person.
Secondly, in my opinion love is not a thing that happens as soon as you see someone. At least not romantic love. It's something that grows.
4 - By saying "This is my partner" to people, I allow them to think that he is my partner, and whatever else they want. I can't tell people what to think. And I don't much care really. I'm always happy to talk about pretty much anything with anybody, but if people want to make assumptions then they are free to do so.
Comment by Alain
Movie Addiction
Life Debate
Art Of Sampling
1 -ok but there is potential for someone you can trust in everybody.you trust everybody unless the give you a reason not to trust them.Youre gonna tell me:no im not gonna trust a homeless,a gangster or all those people,,why because you dont find them attractive,mostly because of there style but still.
you say trust isnt the only factor,give me all the factors you can think of.seriouly make a list.
2 -you said : I would chose the partner who liked the same food as me,blabla. You see you didn't say "i will fall in love",you said chose,im saying love isnt something bigger then other things,im just saying you chose that special someone when you find them attractive.You can know someone,ordinary good joe,for 1 years.you never had feelings for him but then all of the sudden,he does something amazing and you start to find him more attractive.You say to yourself :hey after all he's not that bad lokking.When you start to find somebody attractive thats when you start to love.Attractive mostly is behind the sex.
3 - i said we see the body before the personality.you disagree..If it wasn't true,raciscims wouldn't exist,nerds,sexy girls,all that wouldn't exist.yeah you might not care how they look but stop refering to you,im talking about the whole world.
you said:
I have friends of all shapes and sizes, and ages. I didn't start talking to the old Hungarian lady who used to live down the road from me because I thought she was sexy. And yet I got to know her. Why? Because she's an interesting person.
ok,but you know you would never fall in love with her since the first time you saw her.There is a big difference between,acquaintance,friends and partners.When you see someone from far you can already decide in which categories you are gonna place them,you dont need to talk to them.So you can already CHOSE from far whos you think might be a possible partner because you find them attractive
you said:
in my opinion love is not a thing that happens as soon as you see someone. At least not romantic love. It's something that grows.
yeah its something that grows but it will never grow if you dont find the person Attractive first
Comment by Alain
Movie Addiction
Life Debate
Art Of Sampling
1 -ok but there is potential for someone you can trust in everybody.you trust everybody unless the give you a reason not to trust them.Youre gonna tell me:no im not gonna trust a homeless,a gangster or all those people,,why because you dont find them attractive,mostly because of there style but still.
you say trust isnt the only factor,give me all the factors you can think of.seriouly make a list.
2 -you said : I would chose the partner who liked the same food as me,blabla. You see you didn't say "i will fall in love",you said chose,im saying love isnt something bigger then other things,im just saying you chose that special someone when you find them attractive.You can know someone,ordinary good joe,for 1 years.you never had feelings for him but then all of the sudden,he does something amazing and you start to find him more attractive.You say to yourself :hey after all he's not that bad lokking.When you start to find somebody attractive thats when you start to love.Attractive mostly is behind the sex.
3 - i said we see the body before the personality.you disagree..If it wasn't true,raciscims wouldn't exist,nerds,sexy girls,all that wouldn't exist.yeah you might not care how they look but stop refering to you,im talking about the whole world.
you said:
I have friends of all shapes and sizes, and ages. I didn't start talking to the old Hungarian lady who used to live down the road from me because I thought she was sexy. And yet I got to know her. Why? Because she's an interesting person.
ok,but you know you would never fall in love with her since the first time you saw her.There is a big difference between,acquaintance,friends and partners.When you see someone from far you can already decide in which categories you are gonna place them,you dont need to talk to them.So you can already CHOSE from far whos you think might be a possible partner because you find them attractive
you said:
in my opinion love is not a thing that happens as soon as you see someone. At least not romantic love. It's something that grows.
yeah its something that grows but it will never grow if you dont find the person Attractive first
Comment by Alain
Movie Addiction
Life Debate
Art Of Sampling
1 -ok but there is potential for someone you can trust in everybody.you trust everybody unless the give you a reason not to trust him.You gonna tell me no im not gonna trust a homeless,a gangster or all those people,,why because you dont find them attractive,mostly because of there style but still.
you say trust isnt the only factor,give me all the factors you can think of.
2 -you said : I would chose the partner who liked the same food as me,blabla. You see you didn't say "i will fall in love",you said chose,im saying love isnt something bigger then other things,im just saying you chose that special someone when you find them attractive.You can know someone,ordinary good joe,for 1 years.you never had feelings for him but then all of the sudden,he does something amazing and you start to find him more attractive.You say to yourself :hey after all he's not that bad lokking.When you start to find somebody attractive thats when you start to love.Attractive mostly is behind the sex.
3 - i said we see the body before the personality.you disagree..If it wasn't true,raciscims wouldn't exist,nerds,sexy girls,all that wouldn't exist.yeah you might not care how they look but stop refering to you,im talking about the whole world.
you said:
I have friends of all shapes and sizes, and ages. I didn't start talking to the old Hungarian lady who used to live down the road from me because I thought she was sexy. And yet I got to know her. Why? Because she's an interesting person.
ok but you know you would never fall in love with her since the first time you saw her.There is a big difference between,acquaintance,friends and partners.When you see someone from far you can already decide in which categories you are gonna place them,you dont need to talk to them.So you can already CHOSE from far whos you think might be a possible partner because you find them attractive
you said:
Secondly, in my opinion love is not a thing that happens as soon as you see someone. At least not romantic love. It's something that grows.
yeah its something that grows but it will never grow if you dont find the person Attractive first
Comment by Alain
Movie Addiction
Life Debate
Art Of Sampling
Comment by angelbird72
Cooking with Feeling
"...trust isnt the only factor,give me all the factors you can think of.seriouly make a list."
In no particular order:
- trust
- compatible goals
- compatible values
- compatible sense of humour
- valuing each other, ie considering each other important and good
- communication of wants and needs
- compatible wants and needs
- willingness to support each other emotionally
- attraction (yes, I think it CAN be a factor, but is not necessarily a factor, nor necessarily the most important)
- willingness to take the good with the bad
- compatible ability to contribute to the other
- probably many more, I'm quite tired right now, but these were the first I thought of.
"you didn't say "i will fall in love",you said chose" So did you. It is my opinion that you can't choose to love or not, but I was working within your analogy.
"im just saying you chose that special someone when you find them attractive.You can know someone... you never had feelings for him but then all of the sudden,he does something amazing and you start to find him more attractive.You say to yourself :hey after all he's not that bad lokking" So now you're saying that you find people attractive because you like them and what they do, not the other way round? Because I would mostly agree with that.
"When you start to find somebody attractive thats when you start to love." No. I find loads of people attractive. If I'm walking down the street and a buff guy runs past on the other side of the road with no shirt on, I don't love him. I do however probably find him attractive.
"i said we see the body before the personality.you disagree..If it wasn't true,raciscims wouldn't exist,nerds,sexy girls,all that wouldn't exist" Why not? People can be racist and still find people of another race to be sexy. And loads of people are homophobic, or discriminate based on religion or caste, and you can't see those things.
"stop refering to you,im talking about the whole world." Funny thing, I'm actually a part of the world. So if I don't do something, it's not possible for the 'whole world' to do it, just a part of the world. Maybe most people act the way you suggest, I don't know. I can't know what other people think. But I know what I think, and I know that I don't, and so not everyone does, because I am a part of 'everyone'.
"When you see someone from far you can already decide in which categories you are gonna place them,you dont need to talk to them.So you can already CHOSE from far whos you think might be a possible partner because you find them attractive" It's true, if I see an old lady on the street, I know that she is not a possible partner for me, or a three year old, or someone obviously already in a relationship. But what I am saying is that 'attractive' doesn't come into it at this point. You've said yourself earlier that whether you find someone attractive changes based on their behaviour and personality.
"it will never grow if you dont find the person Attractive first" Once again, you've said yourself before that you can start to like someone, and THEN start to find them attractive.
Comment by Alain
Movie Addiction
Life Debate
Art Of Sampling
In no particular order:
- trust
- compatible goals
- compatible values
- compatible sense of humour
- valuing each other, ie considering each other important and good
- communication of wants and needs
- compatible wants and needs
- willingness to support each other emotionally
- willingness to take the good with the bad
- compatible ability to contribute to the other
- probably many more
take out the attraction and you can give all those caracteristics to describe a great friendship.Execpt in different level,but sometimes its at the same level as a partner.
you're saying that you find people attractive because you like them and what they do, not the other way round? you :Because I would mostly agree with that. no im saying before you start to love them,you must first think,is he good looking for me.Maybe he is not a top model for another person,but when he is good looking for you thats when you start to love.
"When you start to find somebody attractive thats when you start to love." No. I find loads of people attractive. If I'm walking down the street and a buff guy runs past on the other side of the road with no shirt on, I don't love him. I do however probably find him attractive... no,im saying that you dont need to love everybody but before loving someone,you need to find them attractive
you said
And loads of people are homophobic, or discriminate based on religion or caste, and you can't see those things.you cant be homophobic because you find the person ugly...the person alone is differente from the homo couple.
"it will never grow if you dont find the person Attractive first" Once again, you've said yourself before that you can start to like someone, and THEN start to find them attractive.yes but like is not love,(you like,find attractive,love)
you dont need to find attractive to like,but you need to find attractive to love.